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ok, here goes

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Aug. 1st, 2002 | 01:13 am
mood: hopefulhopeful
music: still that beautiful central air.. ahhhhhhh :-D

OK... Here's what I have decided...
I'm not going to keep her out of my life... I can't... Like I had said earlier, I love her... And you know what... What if everyone is right you ask, and she is a fake?
Then good for her.. She could be some guy with a VERY feminine voice... Great, then I'll stop the loving when I find that out...
Or she could be exactly the opposite of what she portrays to me or be 20 years older or married or WHATEVER...
Then why can't I stop loving her when I find THAT out?

I've decided that for my sanity, I am keeping her in my life... Not in the same capacity though... I can't deal with that right now... But, I can deal with her being a close friend and talking to her... She knows what my feelings are... And when the time is right, and we get together... Then I'll change my feelings... Well... either change them or take them out of the glass closet I am going to hide them in...

If she is all that I have seen and all that I know of her is true as a BIG part of me thinks it is, they will not be changing...

So, in essence, this is a break.... Not the not talking "I hate you, you suck" kind of break.... and not a break "break-up" kind of break.. But the kind of break that will allow me to take the feelings and put them away until it is a better time to bring them out for my own sanity...

I think she understands all of it... In fact I am pretty sure that she does... While I am sure she is not extremely happy about it, it's what I have to do to keep from going insane and getting depressed...

So I hope that you all can accept what I said and be supportive of my decision... Hopefully, eventually, I will be able to take those feelings out of that glass closet, dust them off, and put them back in place where they will remain... To do that though, it will take work on her part, which I believe she is willing to do... When the time is right...

There, I feel about 10 times better... And to think I was just generally depressed before... It was because I didn't make the right decisions... Thats why I was depressed... Now I made it all right... And I am happy :-)

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Comments {4}

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from: ophelia_speaks
date: Jul. 31st, 2002 10:47 pm (UTC)

I've decided that for my sanity, I am keeping her in my life..

and i've decided for my sanity to remove her from my life. your decision, i still think it's the wrong one, but you're gonna do whatever you want. it just means i don't expect to hear the latest and be imed with a midnight crisis about what to do about grace.

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note to self

from: shoshiki
date: Aug. 1st, 2002 08:15 am (UTC)

Note to self... No talking about her to Laura...

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Re: note to self

from: ophelia_speaks
date: Aug. 1st, 2002 08:30 am (UTC)

you missed the point.

someone who has a weekly crisis and causes you to im me with "HELP!" maybe, just maybe, isn't good for your sanity!

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Re: note to self

from: shoshiki
date: Aug. 2nd, 2002 11:24 am (UTC)

Tell me that the first time I IM you with "help"
It won't happen again... I am pretty ure of it this time.. she knows how i feel and we have come to an understanding...

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