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grrrrrrrrrrrrr

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Jul. 27th, 2002 | 09:20 pm
mood: weirdweird
music: Nothing at all

She always has a way of making me feel like a complete jerk and making me feel bad...
ALWAYS...
I have never said anyting bad to her when she didn't turn it around on me...
I wish sometiems I could stick to my guns.. and usually I can.. but not with her...
I wish I knew how she had that control over me...

SpicyCajun1 (8:40:10 PM): Don... I don't even know what to say to you anymore other than I guess our lifestyles just don't match up to each other anymore. You can't be understanding to what's going on with me... that's fine. I won't bother you again. It's apparent that you're not going to hear what has been going on and it doesn't even matter at this point. I hope you're happy... you deserve to be.
DLough1313 (8:40:48 PM): Grace, supposedly you care this great deal about me.. yet it means nothing to not talk or anything to me?
Auto response from SpicyCajun1 (8:40:48 PM): I'm not here right now, obviously. If you know my cell number, give me a call there. If not, I'll talk to you when I get back. Thanks!

SpicyCajun1 (8:41:25 PM): Don when I have a child in the hospital that takes over anything else in my life. I don't expect you to understand... I don't expect you to care att his point. You do what you have to do okay?
DLough1313 (8:41:35 PM): the least you could have done was tell me what is going on..
but you have been too busy..
I'm not saying you havent' been busy
I'm saying that I don't mean as much as you say I did cause at the elast I would have known
DLough1313 (8:42:28 PM): I'm not saying you haven't been stressed... But, hell.. a fucking message isn't all that hard when you supposedly care so much about a person...
So you went into the hospital and NEVER left the room.. never called anyone or what?
That is hard to believe....
SpicyCajun1 (8:42:30 PM): Again, you're going to think what you want. I don't expect you to understand, I don't expect you to believe me. BUt the fact of the matter is... my children are everything to me. And I damn sure wouldn't tell them about you if I didn't fucking care. So... again, believe what you want
DLough1313 (8:43:54 PM): i don't know you, i thought i knew you, but i don't...
I have trusted you, put feelings in you, and gotten hurt by you...
I see the same fucking pattern developing all over again and I refuse to hurt myself any longer...
I don't understand why you can't see that... it's the same damn thing all over again...
SpicyCajun1 (8:44:12 PM): Okay
SpicyCajun1 (8:44:17 PM): As I said... I won't bother you again
SpicyCajun1 (8:44:24 PM): Sorry to have disturbed you again a few weeks ago
DLough1313 (8:44:30 PM): that is your choice
SpicyCajun1 (8:44:33 PM): No...
SpicyCajun1 (8:44:35 PM): It's yours
DLough1313 (8:44:38 PM): wrong
SpicyCajun1 (8:45:00 PM): No Don... you're the one that's insisting I'm not being honest. You're the one saying you're not going to let me "hurt you again"... so its your choice
DLough1313 (8:45:20 PM): if you want something, i'm here, i'm open to it... but, again.. i'm HERE... I'm not there, and I can't have a phone/e-mail onbly relationship anymore.. I need something more...
DLough1313 (8:45:25 PM): I never said you were not being honest
SpicyCajun1 (8:45:40 PM): No... just that the things I tell you are hard to believe
SpicyCajun1 (8:45:42 PM): Go on with your life
SpicyCajun1 (8:45:48 PM): You need someone there...
SpicyCajun1 (8:45:51 PM): I can't be there right now.
DLough1313 (8:45:55 PM): I implied that you were about your feelings.. but I said nothing about lauren in the hospital or anything
SpicyCajun1 (8:46:06 PM): I need someone more understanding to my situation with my children and you can't be that anymore
DLough1313 (8:46:17 PM): Grace, I never saw you coming here...
It's an idea that I fell in love with...
DLough1313 (8:46:29 PM): The idea of being with you and the kids and everything
DLough1313 (8:46:41 PM): It was never going to happen.... Something always comes up
SpicyCajun1 (8:46:50 PM): Yeah well... as I said, move on. You can't wait for it apparently and you can't trust me and understand me enough for it to have a chance.
SpicyCajun1 (8:46:58 PM): Yeah okay.
DLough1313 (8:47:03 PM): Anytime I brought it up... something came up...
SpicyCajun1 (8:47:06 PM): You're right... I love lying to my children. But whatever.
SpicyCajun1 (8:47:08 PM): I'm done.
DLough1313 (8:47:18 PM): what are you talking about lying to your children?
SpicyCajun1 (8:47:18 PM): Do what you have to do to make Don happy
SpicyCajun1 (8:47:29 PM): I've told my children over and over that we were going to be together.
SpicyCajun1 (8:47:38 PM): So I guess that's just another lie?
DLough1313 (8:47:58 PM): I'm going to do what i need to do to keep my sanity.. You fucked with laura's head... i'm not letting you go that deep with me... it happened once... and i was stupid for opening the door again
SpicyCajun1 (8:48:10 PM): ...
SpicyCajun1 (8:48:12 PM): Thanks Don
DLough1313 (8:48:16 PM): Then why didn't you make more of an effort?
SpicyCajun1 (8:48:21 PM): Forget it
DLough1313 (8:48:40 PM): And why are you thanking me...
SpicyCajun1 (8:48:45 PM): My fucking life is here right now. My family is here. My children have a family here. And I'm supposed to uproot it all when you can't even be a little more understanding
SpicyCajun1 (8:48:48 PM): I was being a smart ass
DLough1313 (8:48:59 PM): Thank YOU grace for proving Laura, my mother and everyone else in the world right yet again...
SpicyCajun1 (8:49:23 PM): ... Why are you doing this?
DLough1313 (8:49:41 PM): what?
i'm hurt, you tell me how you feel and then pull a 180
SpicyCajun1 (8:49:51 PM): Pull a 180?
SpicyCajun1 (8:49:57 PM): No, I don't have the energy to beg you anymore
DLough1313 (8:49:58 PM): you tell me you love me and we are oing to be together and talk to me everyday and then no contact
DLough1313 (8:50:08 PM): and i try to contact you
SpicyCajun1 (8:50:13 PM): You can't understand what's going on with Lauren so all of a sudden I'm the bitch
DLough1313 (8:50:16 PM): i'm guessing you got no mesages???
SpicyCajun1 (8:50:20 PM): I'm the lying sack of shit that everyone is right about
SpicyCajun1 (8:50:35 PM): No I got the messages and I'm sorry for not returning them but I was in the hospital with Lauren.
SpicyCajun1 (8:50:41 PM): Don't expect you to believe that but... whatever.
DLough1313 (8:50:45 PM): YOU make them sound right....
SpicyCajun1 (8:50:53 PM): You believe them
DLough1313 (8:50:54 PM): Sending an e-mail
SpicyCajun1 (8:51:02 PM): So go ahead and believe them and forget about me
DLough1313 (8:51:06 PM): having freaking christy or your sister sending an e-mail...
SpicyCajun1 (8:51:10 PM): Sending an email? I didn't have a computer
DLough1313 (8:51:16 PM): it dosen't take much
SpicyCajun1 (8:51:16 PM): Christy said she DID tell you
SpicyCajun1 (8:51:19 PM): Robin said she DID tell you
SpicyCajun1 (8:51:24 PM): ... they both lying now?
DLough1313 (8:51:26 PM): no.. robin bitched at me
SpicyCajun1 (8:51:33 PM): She told you what was going on
SpicyCajun1 (8:51:37 PM): She told you Lauren was in the hospital
DLough1313 (8:51:42 PM): she said you have too many things going on
DLough1313 (8:51:45 PM): no nothing about the hospital
SpicyCajun1 (8:51:48 PM): ... Okay well I'm sorry.
SpicyCajun1 (8:51:54 PM): She told me she did as well as Christy
DLough1313 (8:51:55 PM): she said you had a sick kid.. which i already knew...
DLough1313 (8:53:01 PM): Grace, you know damn well I have always wanted and welcomed the dea of you and me...
You know my dreams.. You know my hopes.. And you know what I do when I am hurt...
You can take all you know and do whatever you want with it...
BUT
SpicyCajun1 (8:53:24 PM): You really know how to hurt me... that's all I'm going to say
SpicyCajun1 (8:53:27 PM): You do what YOU want Don...
DLough1313 (8:53:55 PM): I just want to say one more time... I'm open to whatever, I'm here though...
If you end up coming here.. I will still be here.. And after knowing me so well.. I have no clue why you don't understand what i am saying...
SpicyCajun1 (8:53:55 PM): I'm not pushing you anymore. I'm damn surenot going to beg you to believe me. Apparently everyone you hold dear thinks I'm full of shit and you're apt to believe them everytime something goes wrong. I can't deal with that right now
DLough1313 (8:54:38 PM): No, Grace, for the past 2 months I have been supporting your side in any conversation i had about you with any of them..
DLough1313 (8:54:55 PM): But when I don't hear form you for a couple weeks... Kinda makes them sound right...
SpicyCajun1 (8:54:56 PM): If you can't give me the understanding... then I'm sorry but it's never going to work. You have to understand that my children are going to come first no matter what right now... If you can't, then I'm sorry
SpicyCajun1 (8:55:13 PM): So Don... fucking don't talk about me anymore to them
SpicyCajun1 (8:55:21 PM): They hate me... and you don't know how much it hurts me to know that.
DLough1313 (8:55:33 PM): Well.... You were a major part of my life weather you wanted to be or not...
SpicyCajun1 (8:55:35 PM): They think I"m a horrible person when in fact my only fault is I love my kids too goddamn much
SpicyCajun1 (8:55:49 PM): I didn't FUCK with Laura's head...
SpicyCajun1 (8:55:57 PM): She's fucked up enough without me around
SpicyCajun1 (8:56:05 PM): If you don't see that then you're the one that's got something wrong
DLough1313 (8:56:16 PM): Well.. yes, she has some problems.. but lets just say that you didn't help them any....
SpicyCajun1 (8:56:21 PM): You know she's got problems and she's looking for an outlet to place the blame on...
SpicyCajun1 (8:56:38 PM): ... Oh... but I think I did. The girl was on a downward spiral with an eating disorder and I scared her enough to make her fucking eat
SpicyCajun1 (8:56:51 PM): She may not admit that to you but she has told me that over and over... even this last time I talked to her
DLough1313 (8:56:58 PM): Until you left
SpicyCajun1 (8:57:10 PM): Until everyone turned on me... yeah
SpicyCajun1 (8:57:19 PM): You hated me, Laura hated me... god knows your mother wanted to kill me
SpicyCajun1 (8:57:24 PM): So I had nothing to stay around for
DLough1313 (8:57:30 PM): still does.. thats beside the point
DLough1313 (8:59:14 PM): Right now.. the best thing for the both of us is a cooling down period (like we have never had one of those) and a try again, if you want... But, the try again would have to be a little different.. as in, hey don, i'm coming to NY for the weekend.. lets get together type of try again...
I can't do the internet/phone thing... It drives me too nuts...
SpicyCajun1 (8:59:33 PM): Yep
SpicyCajun1 (8:59:39 PM): Good luck with everything Don
DLough1313 (9:00:04 PM): I'm leaving it in your hands... And we'll see what happens
SpicyCajun1 (9:00:28 PM): No, that isn't necessary. You go on with your life. If our paths cross again, so be it. If it's meant to be, it'll be
SpicyCajun1 (9:00:49 PM): I'm sorry you think I fucked with your head... but I never meant to hurt you. If you think that then I guess you really didn't know me
DLough1313 (9:01:02 PM): It won't happen without one ofus bending... and I can't.. and you most likely won't...
SpicyCajun1 (9:01:21 PM): If I have nothing to bend for, you're right, I won't.
DLough1313 (9:01:33 PM): No, I don't think you do it on purpose... I think you don't realize what you do to a person on the inside...
my feelings and everything...
DLough1313 (9:07:49 PM): So.. that said...
It is in your hands, Grace... You came back this time after not talking to me for a while... And I was open to it...
Who knows what will happen.. Hopefully I'll be with someone, in which case I'm not going to hurt them to be with you.. but that is the way things go...
I can't be alone anymore.. And I have been so alone since January....
Auto response from SpicyCajun1 (9:07:49 PM): I'm not here right now, obviously. If you know my cell number, give me a call there. If not, I'll talk to you when I get back. Thanks!

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Comments {2}

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from: ophelia_speaks
date: Jul. 29th, 2002 09:50 pm (UTC)
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actually, she was the one that made an ass of herself. not you. she always pulls this guilt trip bullshit.

DLough1313 (8:46:41 PM): It was never going to happen.... Something always comes up
damn straight. i love how she just up and got tuberculosis right before she was supposed to come visit me. how convient!

SpicyCajun1 (8:51:10 PM): Sending an email? I didn't have a computer
oh right, so when you're in the hospital hooked up to twenty machines and dying, you have a laptop AND a cell, but when lauren's there, you have no contact with the outside world. riiiight. how fascinating can watching a dying baby be?

SpicyCajun1 (8:55:49 PM): I didn't FUCK with Laura's head...
SpicyCajun1 (8:55:57 PM): She's fucked up enough without me around

i was much better off without you. i'm not spending all my time on the internet fulfilling your internet role playing fantasies.

SpicyCajun1 (8:56:38 PM): ... Oh... but I think I did. The girl was on a downward spiral with an eating disorder and I scared her enough to make her fucking eat
hmm, it's too bad your scare tactics didn't have an impact that lasted more than 2 weeks.

SpicyCajun1 (8:57:19 PM): You hated me, Laura hated me... god knows your mother wanted to kill me
correction: laura hates (present tense) you.

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Don

and people wonder

from: shoshiki
date: Jul. 29th, 2002 10:07 pm (UTC)
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And people wonder why I turn to you for advice...
It's because you don't fuck around damnit!
You tell it like it is and see what I don't see!

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