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Mar. 21st, 2005 | 03:02 am

Well... Just put this in my MySpace blog.. so.. figure I might as well put it in my Livejournal too!



So... It's been almost 2 months since her and I broke up...
Really, I can't say that it was a bad thing... Yes, I do miss her... I mean.. being with someone for 9 months and being engaged... Thats a pretty big step!!
I'm just sorry that it ended the way that it did... Part of me tells me that had I known the kind of person that she was, had I known that she was abusive and everything... I would have gotten out of the relationship FAR before that.. but, I had my chances.. and I stayed!... I could have broken up with her when she cheated... but, going against my own advice that I would have given ANY of my friends, I forgave her....
I tried breaking it off before she moved in with me... But she guilt tripped me into giving us being together all the time a chance... So I did...
So, I guess in a way I have no one to blame other than myself for the fact that it lasted as long as it did... Had I just done what I wanted to and broke it off when I WANTED to then I never would have had to endure the pain of the person you love being abusive towards you...
It's the worst feeling in the world to have the woman who you love come at you and be kicking and hitting you... Now.. i know enough guys who would have given it right back to her... But... I was brought up to never hit a woman... so I had no choice but to take it and just try and deflect the hits and protect myself as best as I could...
I just hope that all of it did not damage me and that I'll be able to put it behind me when and if I find the next person... The person who will be able to accept my love and hopefully won't tread all over my already fragile heart...


uugh... I sound like such a sap.. but.. not like I can help it... All I want is to be able to show and receive a love like none other... Is that too much to ask???

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Comments {4}

Sweet Girl

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from: skeye19
date: Mar. 21st, 2005 08:04 am (UTC)
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*hugs you tight* Sorry you had to go through all that...the right one will come...

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Don

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from: shoshiki
date: Mar. 21st, 2005 08:43 pm (UTC)
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Eventually.... yeah.....

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judy

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from: juuudddyyy
date: Mar. 21st, 2005 01:03 pm (UTC)
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it isn't too much to ask at all, and i have no doubt you'll find the kind of love you deserve. what you went through was serious, that kind of thing can fuck with your head and make you shut off your heart in big ways. i am really glad you are writing about it and talking to people about what happened though. a lot of guys probably wouldn't... egos and pride, you know? also a lot of people probably don't even realize that women CAN be abusive, just because the guy "should be able to" defend himself or whatever. the more you let go of it, the less it can hurt you now. good luck don!

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Don

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from: shoshiki
date: Mar. 21st, 2005 07:31 pm (UTC)
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See... thats just it.. how can a guy possibly defend himself?

I mean... had I gone and hit her out of self defense? I'll give you ONE guess who would have been going to jail that night or who would win any case....
A guy can't defend himself... the system is set up so that the only abuser is the male by default...
sucks...
but.. I'm more happy that wasn't the only thing holding me back.... Now.. had she come at me with a knife or something? Thats another story....

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