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Love this song.........

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Feb. 9th, 2004 | 12:01 am
music: Bobby Gaylor - Masturbation

Strikes fear in the heart of people, doesn't it?
We all do it yet nobody wants to talk about it

Why a generation's so afraid to pass that down
That it feels good, nothin' wrong with it
We all do it, why couldn't we just admit it?

Then it wouldn't be a problem any more, would it?

Now if we approached it like that
Parents could pass down the secret
Of what to do and what not to do to their children
Cuz kids are gonna do it anyway
They did it when they were kids
Why don't they remember that?
Y'know, then kids wouldn't have to feel guilty
And do it under their covers
So their dead relatives can't watch 'em jerkin' off

You ever have a headache?
Jerkin' off totally takes it away
Headache, jerkoff, no more headache
You don't need aspirin

Maybe instead of a lunch break
We take a masturbation break
Everybody'd get along better
You'd come back from your half hour of lunch
Feeling so damn good it wouldn't be funny

I don't think if
God didn't want us to masturbate
He wouldn't have made it feel so good

A lot of people say:
"Well, God didn't come up with it"
Well, he's a man, and all men masturbate
So, I gotta really believe
That the almighty supreme being
Was the first one to do it

People say:
"God didn't come up with masturbation, the Devil did"
Now see, I don't believe that
Because the Devil is what? - the Devil
He's devilish, he does devilish shit
Do you think he'd let masturbation feel so good?
No, he might let the stimulation part feel good
But then he'd have some kinda catch to it
Y'know, like alien blood like acid is gonna shoot out
Burn a hole in the floor so your parents, watching TV
Will know what you're doing up there

And girls
First time you're in the shower
And the water hits that special spot
Next thing you know
You're humping towels on the bathroom floor
While your sisters are outside the bathroom door goin':
"What're ya doin'? Hurry up in there"

In the Bible it says, "Don't spill the seed"
I think that was an afterthought from God
Right after he created masturbation
He realized how good it felt
He had to put in some kinda parameter for humankind
Knowing that they're not gonna do what they're told

I think orgasms are as close to God as you can get
Cuz when you come, you're creating

Cuz I think the Devil would go all out
I mean, I think even more like:
Fire's gonna shoot outta your dick
You're gonna burn your room down
Or better yet, here's the catch:
Your soul is gonna come out
So you're gonna get to do it one time with a soul
Then for the rest of your life
Every time you masturbate, you're not gonna have a soul
And you know what that means, don't ya?
See ya in Hell

So make it a point to masturbate more often
Feel good about your life
Nothin' wrong with it

Don't spill that seed on your mom's carpet
She'll be pissed

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