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How to be a cheapskate... Brought to you by Maxim

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May. 9th, 2003 | 11:11 am

Be a Cheapskate

Got things to do but little money to burn? Listen up, you stingy bastard.


Maxim, March 2003

We programmed Evolution Robotics’ new $500 ER1 Personal Robot System to perform all the menial office jobs we’re too drunk to do.



1. AT A BAR
The guy who buys the first round buys the most rounds. So when you enter the bar, make a beeline for the men’s room. When you get back don’t forget to shake a drink should be waiting for you. Chug it, then say, Who needs another? No one will, so you’ll only have to buy a round for yourself. As the night wears on, take advantage of your friends’ inebriation. If they’re bombed on rum and Cokes, advises Brian Lafferty, a bartender in North Wildwood, New Jersey, buy ’em plain Cokes. Or some balls.




2. ON A DATE
Buy movie tix online in advance at a senior citizen discount. (Or, if you still have an old college ID, use that at the ticket window.) On your way to pick up your date, stop by a park to cut her some taxpayer-funded flowers. Don’t mind going to hell? Grab a bouquet from a cemetery! And instead of going to dinner, take her out for drinks after sipping sugary cosmos, she won’t want any more damn calories.




3. ON THE ROAD
Since the driver can’t dig around for change, be the one behind the wheel whenever you’re on a toll road. When the tank is half-full, say you have to take a leak, and stop at the next gas station where you’ll take your turn buying a tank at 50 percent off. When you stop at a restaurant, claim a lack of cash and use your credit card; since you’ll be doing the math, you can overbill, and your friends won’t know they bought you dinner. Suckers!




4. AT WORK
Similarly, on special occasions (birthdays, promotions, sex changes), be the person who collects money and buys the gift and you never have to chip in plus your boss will mistake your miserliness for enthusiasm! Keep breakfast cereal in your desk and swipe milk meant for coffee. For lunch, hit the kitchen early and sample coworkers’ homemade meals from the fridge; a little from each and no one’s the wiser. Then learn to drink your own blood and sustain yourself for free forever!

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Comments {12}

Travis

(no subject)

from: sivart
date: May. 9th, 2003 08:15 am (UTC)
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Is that in the Maxim that just came out? I don't remember seeing that last month.

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Don

Re:

from: shoshiki
date: May. 9th, 2003 08:16 am (UTC)
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I don't know.. I got it off the website...

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Don

(no subject)

from: shoshiki
date: May. 9th, 2003 08:18 am (UTC)
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DOH!
It says it right in the post.. March 2003

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Travis

(no subject)

from: sivart
date: May. 9th, 2003 08:21 am (UTC)
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D'oh! I dunno how I missed that. I don't read it just for the pictures, I swear!

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Don

Re:

from: shoshiki
date: May. 9th, 2003 08:22 am (UTC)
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LMAO... I like the articles too.. I actually find a lot of them kinda funny!

I just voted for this weeks "Hometown Hotties"on the website....

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Travis

(no subject)

from: sivart
date: May. 9th, 2003 08:24 am (UTC)
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Yeah, I keep meaning to do that, but of course, maxim is blocked from work and I forget when I get home. Time to send myself a reminder email, I think.

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Don

(no subject)

from: shoshiki
date: May. 9th, 2003 08:37 am (UTC)
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This is the first week I checked it out.. it's pretty damn impressive!!

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Travis

(no subject)

from: sivart
date: May. 9th, 2003 08:45 am (UTC)
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Yeah, I wonder why I can't find a girl like those?!

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Don

Re:

from: shoshiki
date: May. 9th, 2003 08:47 am (UTC)
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Supposedly there is one right in Buffalo!

Who woulda known!

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Travis

(no subject)

from: sivart
date: May. 9th, 2003 09:08 am (UTC)
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Hmm, I am thinking 'roadtrip'!

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(no subject)

from: nightowl301
date: May. 9th, 2003 07:31 pm (UTC)
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that was funny!

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james

(no subject)

from: fgcusabre
date: May. 11th, 2003 12:45 am (UTC)
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i have done the number 1 before...lol...

hit them up for money...and not give them change...or buy a round...lol...

plus i use my college id all the time at the movies...it saves me a 2 bucks...enough for popcorn damnit...hmmm...i want to see a movie...xmen 2....i still want to see that...

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