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Jul. 22nd, 2002 | 01:13 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative

Well.. I haven't written in this thing for ages.. so I figure.. what the hell.. might as well write about the events of this past weekend... Yes, it will prolly turn into a book and then a made for tv movie or some shit like that.. but, s'ok... not like anyone is actually gonna read my endless ramblings and really care about them anyways...

So.. this weekend.... I went to my friends wedding.. She wasn't just a friend.. she was a FRIEND if you know what I mean.. I spent some special times with her.. This was the first time a friend of that magnitude got married (that i know of)... It felt a little weird at the ceremony.. I'm not really sure why.. When I saw her standing at the end of the aisle waiting to be escorted down by her father... I was holding back tears... and I don't mean like the tears that just run down your face when you are very happy or anything like that.. I meant that I was holding back crying... And I wreally don't know why that is... Could it be it was because this girl thought the world of me and I never gave her a chance? Or was it because I knew that as soon as she said "I do" things would be different in our friendship?... I really don't know... but by the end of the ceremony and when she was walking back down the aisle all happy.... I'm glad to say that I was smiling.. and I was and am truely happy for her :-)

The reception was REALLY cool... I didn't like the fact that it was set hours (noon-5...not a minute over)... and that there was SEVEN courses... I mean, if you wanted to get up and dance, you missed your salad or sherbert or whatever the next course was... I didn't drink much at all (partly cause the bar was all the way on the other side of the room and they gave you beer in wine glasses...)
Amazingly though, I danced more than I have EVER danced in public at this wedding... I'm talking like.. dancing like crazy.. I was hot and sweay and everything, but I didn't care.. I was having a good time and smiling, laughing, singing... I must have made an impression on a lot of people cause when we went to the bar later that night I was labled as "the dancing guy"...
Anyways.. now to the cool part ofthe reception... The whole wedding party entered the room announced and stuff like usual... And then they turned out ALL the lights... and started playing this "main event" like music... And you saw the outline of stairs start moving out from below the stage.. and then all of a sudden, you saw the bride and groom being raised by an elevator out of a trap door in the stage.... This was the COOLEST entrance I have ever seen at a wedding... I have decided that I'm gonna build a freaking elevator and stage so that I can have the same thing at mine.. cause, like i said, i really liked that :-)
The bridesmaids were all pretty.. I say that cause they were.. There were no grusomely ugly ones.. they all were beautiful in their own way... However, for those who know me.. I have a set of standards that I look for in a person... Only one of them had all those qualities (her name was Suzie... so that you know who I am talking about for the rest of this thing)... Earlier this month, or maybe it was last month.. I don't remember... but earlier, this girl responded to a personal ad I had up and we got to talking and it actually ended up being the Maid of honor (jen)... She is a great girl and I get along with her and love spending time with her.. but, I am not attracted physically to her.. which is a problem to me...
Anyways, the wedding was the first time I saw Jen in person... and the first slow song, she was there wanting to dance... Which is fine, I wanted to have a good time and I didn't want to ruin her time.. So we danced a couple songs... Did the normal wedding dances... And I danced with Suzie one time.. then it was 5:00 and we had to leave...
We went back to the hotel and changed out clothes.. My mother and her friend and I went for a ride.. we were going to go into NYC to see ground zero.. but there was some sort of an explosion on the lower east side and it would have been hell trying to get anywhere near it...
When we got back to the hotel Jen had called and said that everyone was going over to the hotel across the street for drinks and stuff... So, we all went over.. And I was drinking there with some people from the wedding and my mother and her friend.. Then Jen and Suzie got there and I bought drinks for everyone.. I think I was drinking like 3 to everyone elses 1... Suzie dosen't drink (talk about a cheap date! Soda's are free refills!! hehe). Anyways.. the rest of the people from the wedding all stumbled out of the bar and decided to try and con someone into driving them to a pool hall.. so my mother, her friend, suzie, jen and I were all there drinking, talking.. haveing a good time...
My mom and her friend left at about 9 or so (hey, they are old.. they had to get to bed) at this point, I am drunk.. not falling down drunk.. but to the point where I am feeling damn good... So jen suzie and i talked for what seemed like a long while (but was prolly like 10 minutes).. and I had to go to the bathroom (damn beer).. When I came out, no Suzie, no Jen... SO i sat down figuring that they went to the bathroom or soemthing (you know how women ALWAYS have to go in pairs :-)) Then Jen came around the corner and sat down and started talking.. I was like.. Where's Suzie? She said that she was tired so she went back to the hotel... now, maybe it was just me.. but that was a sign that said.. #1, Suzie had no interest in me.. and #2, Jen got rid of her to get closer to me... Well.. it should have been a sign anyways.. but, I was drunk, not like I could analyze things as if I was sober!!
We sat and talked for a while and the band started playing at about 10 or so... I think we left there at like midnight... Drunk as a skunk :)
We walked down to the gas station on the corner and bought more beer (like i needed it) and went back to the hotel and sat on the back steps drinking and talking... and she was getting all close and stuff.. I was uncomfortable with it.. cause it was closer than a friendship thing.. but, I didn't say I was when she asked... cause I figured she was having a good time and I didn't want to ruin it...
I think I had like 2 more beers and then I said I had to get to sleep (it was 1:30 in the morning)... As we walked in the door she went and gave me a hug and went on how I am a great guy and blah blah.. (all the stuff I have yet to believe).. and leaned up to kiss me.. so i let her kiss me on the cheek.. and cause she did, i figured I would return it.. and she turned her head and gave me a real big ole wet kiss...
So.. that night I didn't do much thinking.. I just went up to my room, found the bed, and crashed.. My mother says I talk in my sleep... I dunno.. Must be a drunk thing...
The next morning I woke up at 8:30.. still remembering what I did he night before and just wondered.. what did I get myself into...
we went to the brunch with everyone and the Jen followed me back to my house (an hour and a half out of her way) to go to dinner with me...
I dunno.. I am really not interested in a romantic relationship with her... I have other people I am in the process of being close with that I would much rather be involved with.. And then there is the whole.. if grace actually comes here thing... I have promised myself that I will not let Grace ruion any chances I have with a worthwhile relationship.. nor will I let her change the course of the way my life is going or what i do on a daily basis... Phone calls and messages is all I cna put into it.. other than the words I say... But how much do the words "I Love You" spoken over the phone or written in an e-mail mean if you have nothing physical... or nothing that was REAL and in front of you to match it up with?? Plus the fact that we hardly ever talk.. so, those are the main reasons for not putting much faith into a grace and i relationship... I would love it if it happened.. Hell, if I was with someone for less than a couple months I'd be there in a second (depending on the circumstances)... But, I remain highly doubtful and I'm putting any of myself into it...
I have been talking to Catie a LOT lately.. I love talking to her... and hearing about Jacinda... And I always joke around to her about the fact that she should move to Syracuse... But, there is a big art of me that says.. hey, that is no joke.. If she did, I would be one happy man.. She is a great person, she makes me smile, I love talking to her, we share a lot of the same ideals... and she is my type physically... and as if that wasn't enough of a reason for me to be head over heals for her.. she has a beautiful 3 year old daughter... So I wuld have an instant family...
If only it were as simple as that...
She messaged me last night to tell me that she finally got rid of Chad.. God I was SOOOO happy... It took a huge brick off my shoulders.. cause I was actually worrying about her and jacinda.. and a little scared for her too... I could tell the times that I called her and he was there.. I could hear the fear in her voice... And you have no idea how much I just wanted to go down and sweep her and jacinda up and take them far far away from that asshole... What kind of a jerk gets kicked out of his mothers house and decides to go to his ex-girlfriends house and basically move himself in? And then think he can boss her around and act like he owns her and the apartment? I am just so glad she finally got him out of there.. And I hope she stays strong... The one thing that I haven't told her.. well.. I haven't told her a lot.. She really dosen't know about how strong the feelsings for her could be... so there would really be no point in telling her that I don't care who she is with... I don't care if she is not with me.. I just don't want her to be with someone who will abuse her or scare her child...
OK... I think I really have written a book... I don't know, I am sure I could write a lot more about the things that are going on in my life right now.. but I figure maybe I will wait till later tonight or tomorrow :-)
damn, if anyone actually reads all this, the response will prolly be long too.. hehe

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Comments {4}

(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Jul. 23rd, 2002 08:25 pm (UTC)
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you know who this is..... I will tell you it would make me very uncomfortable talking to you about this stuff on the phone, it would even be worse in person.
But I think if we lived closer there would definatly be something. But I can't say what it would be, Love i don't think I ever want to be in love again, especially if it is as painful as the love I have already been through. I really care for you, and I enjoy talking with you. You are beautiful inside, and you are sincere. You have a sense of humor, and a very good head on your shoulders. The dead people thing, well that is, i am sorry, just plain creepy,Ha Ha. But as long as you love it that is great.
We have never met in person, and I don't know if that would make me a difference. I just want you to know that you are one of my closest and best friends, and I do care for you very much. i also value your opinion. Thank you for always being here for me and all my soap opera problems, and for being very patient with me, through all my problems.

Love,

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Don

happiness

from: shoshiki
date: Jul. 23rd, 2002 10:50 pm (UTC)
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You, sweetie, know how to make a great day even more great... I'll be smiling from ear to ear for the next couple of days :-)
Love ya sweetie!

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(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Jul. 23rd, 2002 08:25 pm (UTC)
Link

you know who this is..... I will tell you it would make me very uncomfortable talking to you about this stuff on the phone, it would even be worse in person.
But I think if we lived closer there would definatly be something. But I can't say what it would be, Love i don't think I ever want to be in love again, especially if it is as painful as the love I have already been through. I really care for you, and I enjoy talking with you. You are beautiful inside, and you are sincere. You have a sense of humor, and a very good head on your shoulders. The dead people thing, well that is, i am sorry, just plain creepy,Ha Ha. But as long as you love it that is great.
We have never met in person, and I don't know if that would make me a difference. I just want you to know that you are one of my closest and best friends, and I do care for you very much. i also value your opinion. Thank you for always being here for me and all my soap opera problems, and for being very patient with me, through all my problems.

Love,

Reply | Thread

(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Jul. 23rd, 2002 08:25 pm (UTC)
Link

you know who this is..... I will tell you it would make me very uncomfortable talking to you about this stuff on the phone, it would even be worse in person.
But I think if we lived closer there would definatly be something. But I can't say what it would be, Love i don't think I ever want to be in love again, especially if it is as painful as the love I have already been through. I really care for you, and I enjoy talking with you. You are beautiful inside, and you are sincere. You have a sense of humor, and a very good head on your shoulders. The dead people thing, well that is, i am sorry, just plain creepy,Ha Ha. But as long as you love it that is great.
We have never met in person, and I don't know if that would make me a difference. I just want you to know that you are one of my closest and best friends, and I do care for you very much. i also value your opinion. Thank you for always being here for me and all my soap opera problems, and for being very patient with me, through all my problems.

Love,

Reply | Thread