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I dunno...

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Jul. 30th, 2002 | 12:06 am
mood: Still fucking happy. I'm a YEO
music: Nothing can bring me down.. I'm a YEO..!!! yessss!!!!!!!!!!!

I wasn't going to post this.. but, What the hell... Might as well.. Ya'll saw the convo the other day.. way not see this one too...
She is sorry... Do I accept the apolgy??? Augh, I hate this...
I just don't know what to do... I'm weak, confused.. basically.. just burnt out on a lot of things...
I hate not knowing what to do...
I hate being so indecisive...
I hate being lost...


SpicyCajun1 (11:34:02 PM): Here's some more journal fodder for you... but I have a question for you.. if you have a minute.
DLough1313 (11:34:14 PM): maybe
SpicyCajun1 (11:35:42 PM): If you have all these friends online, then why can't we at least be that? I'm not asking for more. I'm not asking for anything more than a friendship and a chat now and then because I understand you need more. I understand you need someone in Syracuse. But why do you insist on treating me like a creep? I did nothing to hurt you intentionally and I appologized for doing so unintentionally. But even in our worst times we were friends... Too much to ask?
DLough1313 (11:37:20 PM): I don't know if it is possible, grace...
It like.. ever since that time 3 years ago when you told me how you felt, it's either on or off for us...
there hasn't been an in between...
it's on...
or it is off.. or it is no contact...
even my friends I have semi-daily contact with...
SpicyCajun1 (11:38:30 PM): Okay... so I told you I was sorry for the no contact thing. I accept the fact that you can't do anything more with me... that's fine. But a friendship wouldn't hurt either of us. We apparently have the ability to be good to each other. It doesn't have to be that way.
SpicyCajun1 (11:38:38 PM): But... it's your choice and if you'd rather nothing, I'll accept it.
SpicyCajun1 (11:38:48 PM): I do wanna congratulate you on your nomination. That's great.
DLough1313 (11:39:11 PM): thank you
DLough1313 (11:40:03 PM): I don't know right now.. I'm torn.. I'm still worked up about this weekend...
so IM me in a couple days and we will see...
I'll post this and see what they say...
I just don't know....
SpicyCajun1 (11:40:35 PM): ... You have to get other people's opinion to make a decision on if you can be a friend with me or not?
SpicyCajun1 (11:40:47 PM): Tell ya what... you IM me when you decide k?
DLough1313 (11:40:52 PM): Grace, right now I don't know...

SpicyCajun1 (11:40:57 PM): That's fine
DLough1313 (11:40:58 PM): I don't know right now...
SpicyCajun1 (11:41:21 PM): You have my contact name. If you decide you can be friends with me... send me a yell. If not, I'll leave you alone.
DLough1313 (11:41:45 PM): The person who hurt me (intentionally or not) is asking to be friends... I just don't know...
SpicyCajun1 (11:42:36 PM): Not intentionally. But I know I did and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to and I'm paying for it but it's my fault and I understand your reaction. So like I said... you call the shots on this one.
SpicyCajun1 (11:42:53 PM): I won't push. But if you want a friend, you have one in me. That's all.
DLough1313 (11:44:12 PM): OK.......
I just don't think you realize how much it hurt...
after I addressed the fact that it hurt the time before...
SpicyCajun1 (11:45:27 PM): I realize it now and I'm SORRY. But, at the same time you don't realize how bad it hurts for you to call me fake. You don't realize what it's like to go through that with a child. And I know that "J" turns to you in a crisis (hey, if she makes you happy go for it) but people are different and I turned to my child and couldn't look away. I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you Don.
DLough1313 (11:46:27 PM): Here is the problem I have...
I promised myself that if you hurt me... it was it...
and you did...
so i don't know..
SpicyCajun1 (11:47:28 PM): Well, you have to keep your promise to yourself then I guess. But like I said, if you want a friend, you'll always have one in me. If not, I won't bother you anymore.
DLough1313 (11:48:03 PM): I'll keep that in mind..
and remember..
if your in Syracuse........
you have my numbers...
SpicyCajun1 (11:48:46 PM): I won't put you or myself through that. I have no doubt in my mind that you're going to move on rather quickly and I'm glad for that but I won't call a person for a surprise visit that has had no contact with me.
DLough1313 (11:49:43 PM): Grace, you come into my life everytime as a surprise.. so it would be no different...
and, trust me, I won't be moving on quickly.. Cause I trust no one and it is affecting everything I touch...
SpicyCajun1 (11:50:31 PM): lol Don... you've already been talking about other girls and stuff. You're a good guy and I'm not the only one that sees it. Give yourself some credit.
DLough1313 (11:51:16 PM): yeah.. talking about them and acting is 2 different things.. they all have baggage.. and I can't handle any right now...
SpicyCajun1 (11:52:11 PM): Yet you were willing to take my baggage. I don't get it but okay. Again, believe it or not I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you again. But I can only repeat myself so much.
DLough1313 (11:53:33 PM): Yeah, I was stronger... The strength is gone... And I'm back to the beautiful pit I have made my home....
and according to mom I'm suicidal ...
course according to her you were moving up here.. so.. i don't believe her...
SpicyCajun1 (11:54:12 PM): I'm sorry...
DLough1313 (12:01:08 AM): so am i...

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Comments {4}

grace, grace, the basket case

from: anonymous
date: Jul. 30th, 2002 11:30 am (UTC)
Link

Well I think you are totally right about Grace popping into your life as a surprise. It seems the only time she is there, is when it is convienent for her. I say 3 years of stringing you along if enough. Long distance relationships are hard enough, she makes things even more so.
-SD

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Don

Re: grace, grace, the basket case

from: shoshiki
date: Jul. 30th, 2002 01:20 pm (UTC)
Link

yes... she does make things difficult and it does seem that she pops in when it is convient for her...
*sigh*
why do people do that to other people...

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don don don

from: anonymous
date: Aug. 1st, 2002 09:01 pm (UTC)
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Don, bad bad choice. YOu know who this is. TO be honest, you are gonna be back here again. You are gonna go through the same again. It has been like this since I have known you, and that isn't much longer than you have known her. But anyway, my point is, you are friends, then you expect sje is gonna do more, then, something happends, true or not, and then you fight, that is not a realtionship that I would want. Just my opinion. You wanted them, so here it is. Love ya

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Don

Re: don don don

from: shoshiki
date: Aug. 2nd, 2002 11:21 am (UTC)
Link

Actually I'm not quite sure who this is.. but, I'm sure I will be finding out soon...
This time it is different... I'm not going any further than friends... Like I said before... I can't, for my own good, I can't... I decided before that I am not looking before... The people that I like and I would like to be with know... And that is enough for me right now...
I have a lot of thigns on my plate with rotary and work and everything.. I really don't have the time to go out and find someone and everything...
So, I'll leave it the way it is... friends... if something comes along in the meantime, hey, if it is here... It is what I want...
And if/when she (or another person) decideds to come up here.. Because I am not looking... Chances are I will still be single... And lonely as usuaul... So, if it turns out to be something, then more can happen..
It makes sense in my mind.. not sure if it makes sense in words though...

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