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Feb. 24th, 2005 | 01:50 am

Not about anything good... See as how my engagement has failed.. But.. Just looking for some advice and maybe an ear...



Hi, My name is Don and I have been a member here for quite some time... I love reading about the happiness that engaged couples have been going through and it has helped me and my.. well.. I don't really know what to call her cause everytime I say ex it hurts... Has helped me and Ivette plan for our wedding and future together.

Her and I met through eHarmony almost a year ago... We did feel that we were moving a little fast when after just 6 months I was asking her to marry me, but, we also felt that it was just natural. We did have our up and down times and there is no one person that was at fault for any of them. We both had our issues and faults and we both worked to support eachother through oversoming them and both worked toward the common goal of our happiness together.

For a large part of our relationship, we were living in seperate places and did not see eachother for more than a weekend here and there when we were able to get away from the daily life and when we were able to afford to travel to see eachother.. On average, we saw eachother 1-2 weekends a month with a couple week long visits worked in there also.

Everything was going perfect and we were so happy until she had moved in to my house and we were living together 24/7. Neither of us saw that there would be any problems because we both loved eachother greatly and were both willing to do whatever it took to make the other person happy... But everything changed when we were living together and, honestly.. I can not, for the life of me, figure out why that is. I have been able to pinpoint some issues that contributed to our demise... but... in hind sight, there was nothing that was so serious as to where breaking off an engagement was in order.

We found after moving in with eachother that we both needed more space than what we had thought that we needed.. This led to us both having our own seperate rooms and a situation where one of us would "visit" the other persons room each night.. But the rooms were decorated and kept the way each person wanted them to be kept. This wasn't all that big of a deal...
We found that both of us were VERY stubborn.. Both of us always wanted to have our way and, even though I would eventually give in everytime, it led to fighting before I would give in in hopes that maybe things would go my way once in a while... But.. those were the only main things that I could pinpoint that were wrong on the relationship level.

Personally... My family had some pretty major troubles (involving my father admitting to a 3 year affair after almost 3 years of marriage) that greatly affected me and she had a lot of deep rooted anger that was built up after years of keeping some pretty bad stuff that had happened to her in. I know that I was and have been seeing a counsellor in hopes of helping myself.. but.. she didn't feel that she needed one (in some ways I think that she was too proud to admit to having a problem) so never went...

So.. after trying our hardest for almost 2 months, we decided that it was best if we didn't go any further in the relationship because it was obvious that love is not enough.

It took me 2 weeks to realize what I had agreed to and to realize just how much I missed her.. no matter how bad things got... we always had eachotehr in the end and that was what mattered to me... When I detailed everything that I saw that had gone wrong and everything that I felt I had done wrong and what we had done wrong as a couple and asked her to reconsider breaking off the engagement so that we can work on what we need to work on in hopes of possibly getting ourselves back on track and to the point where we could try the living together situation again.. but.. do it right (in otherwords.. ease into it)...
she flat out said no... I didn't think that I had ever felt so bad in my life when I heard her say no to that.. until her reasoning... she had already started dating some other guy and "wanted to see where things went" with him... cause they hadn't gotten serious yet..

The feelings that have gone through me these past couple days/weeks have been indescribable.... but not in the good sense... I still talk to her almost everyday... and I know she can hear the pain in my voice and I know that she still loves me.. she has said it.. and I have told her how I feel about her too... But she still will not even be willing to try and see if things can be worked out in time...

I have never been engaged before... In fact.. I have never felt this strongly for anyone in my entire life... I honestly do not know how to cope or how to deal with these emotions and with these feelings that I have.
How can someone love one person but not want to be with them??

Anyways... the point of this post was my confusion... and my not knowing what to do... any advice that anyone has would be well appreciated.. I realize that most people would not have advice on ENDING an engagement... but.. if you have been in this situation before.. please.. tell me how you dealt with it...

Thank you in advance for your help.

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