?

Log in

No account? Create an account

just a post

« previous entry | next entry »
Aug. 11th, 2002 | 11:52 pm
mood: normal

Well, I didn't do all that much today...
Got up and laid around in the pool, then watched part of the race till I had to go run into work to open the place up for a director who was coming to pick someone up...
And that was about it...
A totally uneventful day...
I pissed "J" off by being worried about her and caring about her life... She took some of the things I said as lecturing her and making her feel bad...
It wasn't the way I meant it to come out... but.. I can't take them back now and I feel horrible for making her feel that way...
I also talked to Grace tonight... I love talking to her... And deep down I do love her... I am 90% sure that it is her and not the idea that I love... But in order to keep myself from going insane, I put all the love aside and hope someone comes along that suits my fancy... God knows it's not worth looking... cause there is like NO ONE that goes for a guy who looks like me who is my type...
Hey, at least I have come to terms with it!

I make her feel bad cause when i hang the phone up with her i say that i love her... which.. is the truth, but, then she reads this journal and i am talking about this girl and that one and how i would like to be with this one and this and that and it hurts her...
I swear I can't win...
Inside, right now, she has a lock on my heart... But, I have to date someone.. I need to be able to get out of the house and go out and do things with someone that I am dating...
It just makes me feel better about myself...
I dunno.. I hate hurting her like this, but I can't commit myself to her.. Not when she is there and I am here... If she was here, I would commit...
So... do I tell her how I feel still?
I think I should... I know it makes her feel good to hear it.. But I know she reads this too and she wouldn't like seeing me going out with other people and having a good time and stuff if she is not here... Especially if it was just with another girl (other than Dani)... Like a date and stuff..
Augh, I dunno what to do...
Why does love have to be so tricky?
God I wish I could just... Pick up her whole life and bring it here...
I wish I had the ability to do that for her.. it would make life so much easier...
anyways.. I don't have that power.. and eventually i'll figure out what to do...
In the meantime... I have to keep my options open as far as UP HERE goes... Like I said, not LOOKING, but not turning down either...
gues that makes me "unhappily happily single"??
eh, whatever...
nuff for tonight.. i'm prolly gonna go to bed soon...

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Comments {2}

Amber "manekochan"

hello

from: manekochan
date: Aug. 12th, 2002 01:25 am (UTC)
Link

Why does love have to be so tricky?

Amen to that....
Just remember: there's someone for everybody. Trite, yeah. But it seems to work that way. I guess. If you've been up on my journal entries you know I'm not the best person to ask about love stuff... so... Aw, hell. Buck up! Eveything'll come together eventually! Yay! So says me! Manekochan! It's too late at night! Wheeeeeeee!
Love your layout, by the way.

Reply | Thread

Don

Re: hello

from: shoshiki
date: Aug. 12th, 2002 06:25 am (UTC)
Link

Oh I know eventually it'll all come together... Right now I consider it to be a waiting game :-D

Reply | Parent | Thread